Shawn Mendes is speaking out about some personal struggles he faced following his split from Camila Cabello.

The two singers announced their breakup last November after dating for more than two years. While Shawn, 23, has expressed his feelings through his music since then, on Friday, March 18, he released a full video confessional on Instagram, in which he addressed the split directly for the first time. 

The Canadian singer reflected upon his past and shared some thoughts about the future of music. “A lot of the things that also is like, resonating in the lyric for me is like, oh, f–k, you know, you don’t realize, like, when you’re like, breaking up with someone, you like think it’s the right thing to do, you don’t realize all this s–t that comes after it. Who do I phone if I feel like I am in panic attack mode? What do you call if I am feeling like a f–king on the edge?

He added, “It’s that reality that hit me.” Now it’s almost like I am on my own. It’s like I finally feel independent, which I loathe. “That’s how I live my life, it seems.